Aug 19 / Rob

JMU Is Definitely Super Conference Bound

If we’ve learned anything over the past few years, it’s that college football’s conference structure is set in anything but stone. Something as simple as a school exploring the opportunity to switch conferences, can set of a chain reaction that drastically impacts the entire NCAA landscape. Schools that don’t act quickly and decisively can find themselves swept away. Likewise, schools that seize the opportunity can elevate their programs to the big time virtually overnight. After much careful analysis, I’ve come to the conclusion that college football will soon have 4 super conferences. The good news is that JMU is virtual lock to be a part of one of them. Provided a few small events play out as I have predicted of course.

Event 1: Texas A&M Leaves the Big 12

Yes, the reports that the Aggies were SEC bound last weekend proved to be a bit premature. That doesn’t mean they won’t eventually find themselves in the conference. The delay was simply posturing and legal speak. The SEC risks legal action if the Big 12 can prove it enticed A&M to leave. They need A&M to make the first move and quit the Big 12. When they do, the SEC will be waiting with a membership offer. And that simple invitation will change the face of college football forever.

Result: The Big 12 is down to 9 members and the SEC needs another school to balance the divisions. The Pac 12, Big 10, Big East, and ACC scramble to defend their turf.

Event 2: The U Gets the Death Penalty

Popular opinion seems to indicate that the NCAA will never again give a school the death penalty after the effect it had on SMU. However, the NCAA has never seen a scandal like this one before. I mean, did you read the report? If the NCAA expects to retain whatever shred of credibility it thinks it has, it is going to have to bring the hammer down on Miami. Even if they don’t get the death penalty, Miami is screwed. The program already struggles to draw fans. Take away 15 or 20 scholarships, television exposure, and bowl games and the program is going to be on life support. If they don’t get killed, they’ll probably just kill themselves. However it plays out, the ACC is going to have no part of it. One more vacancy in a BCS conference opens up.

Result: The ACC joins the Big 12 and SEC in the hunt for new members. The remaining BCS conferences circle the wagons and position themselves to fend them off.

Event 3: The Louisiana Purchase Is Declared Unconstitutional

Scholars have been arguing for over 200 years about the legality of the United States’ purchase of over 828,000 square miles of land from France during Thomas Jefferson’s presidency. We typically shy away from politics here, but Jefferson’s men sort of did Napolean and the French wrong with that move. Now our sources on the Hill are telling us that the purchase is due to be ruled unconstitutional and the territory will be returned to France before the end of the calendar year. And as you know, the French don’t play college football. They play soccer, wear berets, and go on strike. That means that the programs at LSU, Arkansas, Missouri, Iowa, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Kanas, Kansas State, Nebraska, and Minnesota will all be terminated. With only the ACC and Big East spared from the carnage, the conference structure as we know it will be destroyed.

Result: The BCS conferences all disband and former members begin recruiting new schools to finally form 4 super conferences.

Event 4: The Shenandoah Valley Leads the Global Economic Recovery

The struggles of the EU, the downgrade of the US credit rating, and volatility in the stock market, have led many to conclude the the global economic growth will remain slow for years. While this may be true on a macro scale, certain markets are well situated to outperform others and break out of the economic slump early. You know, places like Harrisonburg, a “Certified Business Location.” I’m not exactly sure what this means, but if they put it on a road sign on Route 81, then it must be something important. Therefore I think it’s safe to assume that the ‘burg is primed to be a center of job growth over the next 12-18 months. In fact, my conservative estimates have over 14 million people moving to the greater Harrisonburg area in search of certified business jobs. The population influx, combined with the existing poultry industry, will make the Shenandoah Valley the most important region in the new global economy and home to millions of valuable consumers.

Result: The 14 million television watching households in the greater Harrisonburg area put JMU smack in the middle of one of the country’s most valuable media markets.

Event 5: The NCAA declares forward pass illegal

The NCAA powers that be might appear to be soulless old white guys focused on nothing but the bottom line. The truth is that a vocal majority of them are actually former football players and die hard old school football traditionalists. And they definitely think high flying passing attacks are for sissies. They long to return to the days when football was test of brute force played by real men. We have it on good authority the way they will do this is by making the forward pass illegal. Programs that have relied on complex passing attacks will be caught off guard. Other teams who have shown a willingness to completely abandon the passing game, will be primed for success.

Result: Mickey Matthew’s conservative tendencies that have frustrated fans for years, suddenly are viewed as groundbreaking. JMU’s gameplan against William & Mary in 2010 is considered the Holy Grail of new football.

Obviously if things play out like this, every single super conference would be begging JMU to join. The suddenly innovative offensive philosophy and valuable media market the Dukes would bring to the table would be too much to resist. A few years ago I would have told you that JMU was years away from a BCS opportunity. It is clear I was wrong. All it’s going to take is for one school to make a move, the NCAA to sacrifice millions of dollars of future revenue by terminating a storied program, France assuming control of approximately 1/3 of the U.S., a massive population migration to the Valley, and a relatively minor rule change. That’s pretty much it. It’s practically a done deal.

9 Comments

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  1. lickity split / Aug 19 2011

    I see this as unlikely. If the ACC or Big East get purged, yes they will seek new members, but their first go-to source will be the non BCS conferences like Conference-USA, not FCS schools that haven’t made the jump yet.

  2. Rob / Aug 19 2011

    Um, yeah. That seems to be the only logical flaw in my otherwise rock solid and completely feasible argument.

  3. LD / Aug 19 2011

    Rob, well done.

    Lickey split look up the term satire in the dictionary.

  4. Dukie95 / Aug 19 2011

    Actually, Lickety has a good point. Have you not considered that without a huge California earthquake that would eliminate half of the PAC-10, there are still just far too many current FBS teams remaining?

  5. Uncle Ron / Aug 19 2011

    Bravo! This is the best piece of edutainment I’ve seen in a long time.

  6. Rob / Aug 19 2011

    You’re right Dukie95. An earthquake or a reversal of the terms of the Treaty of Guadaloupe Hidalgo would go a long way toward taking some of the traditional west coast powers out of the picture.

    And thanks for tweeting the link.

  7. million / Aug 19 2011

    I look forward to our French overlords and inevitable superiority at World Cup soccer. Vive la France!

  8. tedward / Aug 19 2011

    Man, I hope A&M makes the move. BCS, here we come.

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