Aug 10 / Todd

FCS Style Guide: What We Are Calling Our Rivals’ Stadiums This Year

Writing this only made us love BFS more!

Writing this only made us love BFS more!

We are outright stealing this idea from one of our favorite FBS writers, Spencer Hall of Every Day Should Be Saturday. And we couldn’t be prouder! And in many ways, some of JMU’s “rivals'” “stadiums” make this easier than spotting attractive people at D-Hall.

Without further ado, this year’s style guide to how to reference a few our favorites to hate, because, as Spencer reminds us, it’s important to have the correct immature name ready when needed. And of course feel free to comment with way better things than we can come up with!

William & Mary: Zable Maths Stadium at Nerd Field.

Elon: Rhodes Stadium. Named for Dusty Rhodes! We’re not even kidding. Of course, a hundred all three Fightin’ Christians fans are going to comment now that “we haven’t been the Fightin’ Christians since the 90’s” and that apparently their Trustee that was named Dusty Rhodes is not that The American Dream. Oh well, still, Dusty Rhodes!

Rhode Island: Real-grass-remains-the-only-redeeming-quality-Field. (But actually, RhodeI’s official page for Meade Stadium has an incredibly unvarnished explanation of how it acquired the “Meade” moniker and is not to be missed – it even includes the phrase “…a donnybrook that makes Bush-Gore look like a Cub Scout picnic.”

ECU: We didn’t even have to come up with this one because this is from EDSBS’ version: We would just like to point out that the real name of ECU’s stadium is “Dowdy-Ficklen Stadium,” which is already a parody because we don’t know what “dowdy ficklin’” is but we assume it’s Carolina slang for nothing wholesome or legal or competent-at-DB. (ok, maybe we added that last bit).

Delaware: The Tub – the Blue Chickens almost take the fun out of this by giving their own stadium it’s fittingly pissy name. And it gives us a chance to repost the actual “piss wall” picture from the only men’s restroom on the “nicer” side of this gigantic, ancient dump.

New Hampshire: Caps/Nats Arena. Playoffs every year, first round exit every year.

Villanova: Seriously-We-Have-Football-Too Field sponsored by Kelly’s Taproom

NDSU: White AARP Member Dome. Seriously, did you see that crowd last year? We kid because we love. In all fairness, while the Dukes may have turned the Fargo Dome into a house of sadness for Bizen fans last year, there’s no doubt an indoor facility is a must up there and it’s one of FCS’ best venues (even if the lighting needs some serious help).

Montana: Declawed Cub Stadium.

Soft Houston St.: Charmin’ Stadium. No further explanation required.

Jacksonville St.: Port Authority Field. Simply a transit station between a big FBS program and the CFL for most of the Gamecocks.

Youngstown St.: Eat A Salad Stadium. As we learned in Frisco, this is nearly a universally appropriate thing to yell at the entire ‘Guins fanbase.

Eastern Washington: Ahhhh, my eyes, somebody fix the TV.

Richmond: Hahaha, this shitbox middle-school stadium is unworthy of this column.

Lehigh: Built-Too-Big-For-Our-Fanbase Field at Goodman Stadium.

Norfolk St.: Charlie King Field at FCS4lyfe Stadium.

Frisco: Bridegeforth South.

 

 

2 Comments

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  1. zac / Aug 10 2017

    I thought this was for the teams’ themselves, and I was really looking forward to officially christening the Spatters. SPATTERCHATTER.

  2. Chris / Aug 10 2017

    Good stuff. Can’t wait for 9/2.

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