{"id":1904,"date":"2011-01-06T21:07:17","date_gmt":"2011-01-07T02:07:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jmusportsblog.com\/?p=1904"},"modified":"2011-01-07T13:57:34","modified_gmt":"2011-01-07T18:57:34","slug":"jmusb-has-some-big-ideas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jmusportsblog.com\/?p=1904","title":{"rendered":"JMUSB Has Some Big Ideas"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>I received an email from the Alumni Association this week. It said “Have you ever imagined how you might improve the quality of student learning at James Madison University?” Well, umm, no. Not even once. I mean, I suppose\u00a0it would be nice\u00a0if JMU students continued to have as great an\u00a0experience as I did in college, and I’d certainly\u00a0prefer it if the cops could refrain from tear-gassing them. I don’t think I’ve ever wasted one second pondering how the quality of student learning could be improved though. However, as a management consultant with an MBA this little challenge is perfect for me. My entire existence centers on my ability to come up with random ideas that I will not take responsibility for implementing. So I thought about it and I’ve got a good idea.<\/p>\n

One word. NERDS. JMU needs to nerd it up. Majorly. Just fill the campus with a bunch of high SAT nerds. I’m talking\u00a0wall to wall nerds focused on nothing but academic achievement and inventing all sorts of crazy stuff that will blow people’s minds.\u00a0Nothing but publishing papers, breakthroughs in the labs, and\u00a0programming computers. \u00a0How will this help the student learning experience you might ask. I have no idea.\u00a0It probably won’t. But it will help me by making others think\u00a0I’m way smarter than I actually am. Then I can ride those inflated credentials into big money and just coast through life. And you can to.<\/p>\n

I\u00a0know JMU is a good school. JMU grads are known as hard workers and fun people to be around. That’s got to change. I want the campus to be so filthy with nerds that everyone\u00a0assumes all JMU grads\u00a0are off the charts geniuses best left to themselves. Then some company can grossly overpay me, give my own office,\u00a0 and leave me alone to “think”.\u00a0I’ll\u00a0hide in my office all day goofing off, only emerging\u00a0to tell my coworkers that I’m close to a breakthrough on something they couldn’t possible understand. And they’ll believe me.<\/p>\n

This is not a plan for the faint of heart.\u00a0I’ve already heard all the complaints. “What about all the fun parties?” Gone.\u00a0Parties are a senseless distraction.\u00a0Students will\u00a0be granted one hour a week to play World of Warcraft on the computers they build with their bare hands. “What about all the hot woman?” They’re way gone to. Here’s the thing though. I don’t care. I’m already married to a lovely JMU gal. You snooze, you lose suckers. “What about the\u00a0humanities and performing arts\u00a0programs?” You ever take a ride on\u00a0a\u00a0sociology major’s yacht? No, right? Cause they don’t have yachts. Those programs are slashed. Math, science, and computers only.<\/p>\n

I know it sounds tough. It is. I’ve carefully analyzed it though and it’s absolutely worth it. Sure, thousands of\u00a018-22 year old kids will need to\u00a0trade the social experience of a lifetime for a\u00a0few\u00a0years\u00a0of\u00a0unbelievable stress and pressure.\u00a0But\u00a0doing so\u00a0will enable me and you\u00a0to ride the coattails of their academic achievement to\u00a0plush gigs and easy living. It’s a sacrifice worth making.<\/p>\n

And if the administration doesn’t like it, then my other idea is to just dump a ton of money into sports so I can watch the Dukes on\u00a0TV every week.<\/p>\n