Class of 2012 You Have No Idea What You Got Yourself Into
Over 3,500 graduates joined the ranks of JMU alumni last Saturday. And to each of you, we say congratulations. It’s only been a few days, so we’re sure things haven’t really sunk in yet. You’re probably still bumming around with your friends, drinking heavily, and paying the tab with money dear old mom and dad put in your pocket. Over the past 4 (or 5) years, you were blessed to be a part of the pleasant little utopia in the Shenandoah Valley known as JMU. We were there once also and we loved it. Like you, we had grown accustomed to the rather comfortable little JMU lifestyle. We left campus anyway and marched out into world confident that JMU had prepared us for all the future could throw at us, convinced that the good times would never end. Only we were wrong. JMU did not prepare us for the real world. At all. And it didn’t prepare you for it either. It actually set you up to be disappointed. Very, very disappointed. And that’s because JMU is awesome and the real world sucks. In the real world you can’t just walk into a house, grab a beer, drink yourself silly, and stumble home with an attractive member of the opposite sex. That doesn’t happen. In the real world the drinks are expensive and most people are ugly.
By now you’re probably sick of old people giving you the terrible advice and pumping you full of sunshine. You should be sick of it because old people suck. Trust us. We are old people. And like all other old people, you will find us insufferable. Because we are. We are tired and worn out and we’ll try very hard to act young and hip when we meet you. It will come across as very sad. Because it is. And once we realize that you pity us, we will lash out and start raving about insignificant things like how you young people just don’t get it. Or we’ll lecture about how all those pictures on Facebook and Twitter are going to prevent you from getting a job. Which is ridiculous, because those pictures should help you get a job. Provided of course that you find out who else is interviewing for the same jobs as you and you tag them in every single incriminating photo you can find. It’s a tough job market. Dog eat dog.
And about those job things. Most of you probably don’t have one. Those of you that somehow did manage to secure an offer are about to be very disappointed. You are not going to be on the fast track working on important projects. You are going to do the same old boring sh*t everyone else does. And you’re going to do it the same way it’s always been done, because that’s how the world works. And you’ll do it every day. For 8 to 10 hours a day. For the next 45 years. You thought that having two classes on Fridays that one semester was bad? You’ll long for those days when you’re in the third hour of a 115 slide presentation on “synergies” being given by a guy in short sleeves and a knit tie. Oh, and that project that you work your ass off to complete because they tell you it’s “high visibility” and it will serve as a “launching pad” for success? They lied. Great job though. In exchange for all this, you might get a whole 2 weeks of vacation your first year. Which means that you’ll be the one stuck in the office by yourself between Christmas and New Years while everyone else takes off. Getting paid to sit around all day and do nothing for a week might sound OK. But once you finish reading the internet (yes, the whole damn thing) by the second day, you will come to experience boredom the likes of which you can’t imagine.
” In the real world the drinks are expensive and most people are ugly.”
The most sage nugget of wisdom I have ever come across. Bravo, sir.
and people don’t hold doors open for you.
I would like to know the person who wrote this what they are currently doing in life. If you actually thought the real world was going to be the same as college it probably took you an extra year or two to graduate.
It’s called work hard and apply yourself. Take the first offer you can from school to pay bills. Then, while working keep looking for a job closer to what you want to do. Hardly anyone finds their dream job now as their first job.
Whoever wrote this was probably partying all the time at school and didn’t properly apply themselves. I am a 2009 graduate, hated my first job (I went on about 30 interviews before getting my ONLY offer), applied to other jobs while working and after 6 months quit to begin my current job at a fortune 500 company and love it.
30 interviews with only 1 offer? Seems as if you didn’t quite apply yourself to your full potential either; or you just sucked. Calm yourself, this was just written to simply show that JMU is much more fun than the real world.
You know what I love about this blog? It’s written by two guys who don’t take themselves too seriously.
Well that and the fact that some people who read the blog miss a lot of the humor because they take themselves way too seriously.
You’re kidding right? This isn’t at all serious. I was just poking fun at the countless “advice” columns you see directed at college grads this time of year.
In all sincerity though, I applaud your effort and dedication to finding something you love. I was fortunate to graduate (on time no less) with a job offer from the only company I wanted to work for. And I ended up liking it, before moving on to try new things. And then I got a graduate degree and switched careers and have continued to gain great experience since then. So maybe I’m just incredibly lucky. Or maybe all of the assumptions you made about me after reading a satirical blog post were completely off-base and I actually know the value of hard work.
Clearly this person has never read the blog before to understand the humor. Although I’m not really sure how you could miss that. They sound very pleased with themselves though. Good for them
Haha I graduated last year, work for a fortune 500 company too and still find this hilarious and shockingly accurate. Get over yourself commentor who is trying to convince yourself that what your doing is important.
“And that’s because JMU is awesome and the real world sucks. In the real world you can’t just walk into a house, grab a beer, drink yourself silly, and stumble home with an attractive member of the opposite sex. That doesn’t happen. In the real world the drinks are expensive and most people are ugly.” well said.
best thing i’ve ever read- laughed out loud a few times because it’s just so depressingly true… the real world is actually terrible haha.
Loved the hangover reference… when working 9-6… hangovers really do become a different level of misery that cannot possibly be explained to someone in college. #loveJMU
lol Wal Mart is a fortune 500 company. i think i recognize your name. are you the greeter?
” (I went on about 30 interviews before getting my ONLY offer), ”
Seriously? My senior year at JMU, I applied for 26 jobs, got 24 interviews and 24 offers. Maybe the problem is….idk…you, perhaps?
Anyway…chill out. This is totally light hearted and, frankly, hilarious.
Oh…another word of advice- As one who comes to campus and interviews job applicants for my Fortune 500 Company, I can tell you that we go out to lunch during the day to mock and make fun of about 80% of the interviewees. It’s usually because of their overly-serious and rediculous answers to interview questions.
“Where do you see yourself in 10 years?”
“Well, to be honest, I am a real self-starter and a go-getter. My work is really important to me, and in 10 years I see myself as a Partner with your firm. This career is something I am really passionate about, and I could see myself doing forever.”
“Have you ever worked in this field before?”
“No. Well…I had an internship with you last summer where I got to work on lots of high-level, serious work, and attend a conference at Disney World.”
“Wow. I bet that was really rewarding (laughing to self). What kind of High level work did you do?”
“Um…well…you know… stuff like multi-million dollar proposals”
“Really? As an intern they let you take that one on? You must be really good. (laughing harder)”
“Well, thank you, sir”
“It’s been really great talking to you this morning. Godd luck with the rest of your semester (ROTFL).”
I believe the main issue here is people think this is actually serious. Looking at people who post this blog on Facebook, they think that the person is serious as the people either hate their job or don’t have one.
I don’t know what to tell you man. It wasn’t at all serious. It was satire. Check the archives. It’s just our sense of humor.
If you think it’s an “issue” that people actually took it seriously, then you might want to take it up with them instead of questioning me or my work ethic like you did in your original comment. And this is admittedly baseless speculation, but is it possible that you’re misinterpreting people’s Facebook posts just like you completely misinterpreted the point of the post? I’m not trying to be a jackass, I’m just asking.
Great read.
Love the douche who took 30 interviews to get one job. No one liked you anyway and you probably transferred in from Radford. The rest of us got jobs beginning of senior year and lived it up until entering the cube farms post graduation.
also this blog is serious. 90% of jobs suck compared to anything you did at JMU. truth.com
Had a great 5 years, partied hard, and found a job within a month after graduation (didn’t apply to a single job before graduation). Common sense, a personality, and a brain can take you pretty far.
hilarious. and painfully true. they are super ugly outside JMU. but as a wise man named Omar once told me, “Ugly girls put out.”
WOW!!!! Incredible and spot on…graduated a year ago, had my job a month after grad and I sometimes feel like I miss JMU wayyy toooo much and with good reason
“And you’ll do it every day. For 8 to 10 hours a day. For the next 45 years. You thought that having two classes on Fridays that one semester was bad?”
That’s been my biggest surprise since leaving JMU. I used to cringe at the thought of three hour lectures. Now I have 8 hour workdays.
That said: I love my job, so I’m one of the lucky ones!
Usually I do not take the time to respond to blog comments. I don’t see it as a good use of my time or the time of others, but this post has prompted me to offer thoughts.
I fully agree that my time at JMU will go down as some of the best years of my life. I would say that I love JMU not as much as the person next to me, but MUCH much more. I graduate JMU in 2009 and still return to campus at least twice per year usually more. I am forever grateful to JMU for what it has given me and part of my life mission is to pay back JMU in any way that I can for what it has gained me access to.
The adage that college are the best years of your life is a bunch of crap. We need to make EVERY year the best year of our life. And this is absolutely possible. Is the “real world” different than JMU? You betcha! Is it just as awesome as JMU is? ABSOLUTELY!
To say that JMU has not prepared us for after graduation simply means that you have not taken advantage of the amazing resources JMU has provided you access to. Whether that was not making the most of your classes, or the accessibility of your faculty, or the expansive and passionate alumni network Madison has, or you didn’t maintain your ties to your classmates who have become your lifelong friends, that is no fault of JMU but a fault of your own. To this day JMU is a part of my everyday life. Where I am right now is 100% a product of my JMU education and I appreciate that every single day.
We are the lucky ones, the ones that shared the Madison Experience. I believe this post does not acknowledge that privilege that we had attending one of the greatest higher education institutions in the country (and I truly believe that). I would not be where I am today without JMU and JMU has made me the person I am today as well. For that I am thankful and hope all of you can recognize that as well. Pursue your dreams, live life to the fullest, and always remember to brighten the lights of Madison.
“But once you finish reading the internet (yes, the whole damn thing) by the second day, you will come to experience boredom the likes of which you can’t imagine.”
so.very.true.
Completely true…I’ve read the entire internet today and it’s only 1:45.
I wish people would stop taking this post so seriously. It’s a satire. It’s meant to be funny, and yes – there are elements of truth (especially about drinks being more expensive in the world; try three times more expensive), but it’s meant to make you laugh. So the 33% of you disdainfully replying to this blog post should just relax and try to stop taking yourselves so seriously.
Yes, I know this was written to be funny, but I would say, deep down, the author feels what they say is true and life was better in college. I am going to have to disagree with the overall message.
You don’t have to have a shitty, boring life. Doing so is the “easy way out.” Take risks and enjoy yourself.
Good luck to all the grads.
To the comment about not taking advantage of JMU…it’s not all about the resources. I graduated JMU in ’08. Oh hey recession! Did JMU prepare me for that? No.
I had 4 great years. Went to resume training, studied abroad, had an internship, on-campus jobs, good GPA, belonged to a few organizations. And had fun, often. But the only thing that would have prepared me for the real world in 2008 was if I knew exactly what I wanted to do from having multiple internships with a company that would eventually hire me. Yeah maybe I could have done more to “get ready”. However, that is a pointless debate once you walk across the stage and received that IOU diploma piece of paper. Post-grad, I had to focus on what I did take away from my time at JMU, not what I should have done. Education and degree aside, what JMU armed me with was an awesome group of people – from freshman hallmates & roommates, to organization friends, and even some faculty/staff. And that is what got me through the miserable 4 months of job searching, living at home, and realizing that there are no more summer breaks or no-class-Fridays.
Soon I got a job with a good company doing something cool and creative, which I fell into via some random path that I could have never predicted. Did JMU prepare me for my job now? Not exactly. But more importantly, it gave me the things that you can’t just make happen for yourself once you graduate. You can apply to all the jobs in the world, but you can’t build yourself a support system of other people who are going through (and missing and hoping for) the same things that you are.
Like the author said, eventually you will get a job – somewhere. And there’s a 96% chance you won’t love it. Eventually you will move out on your own, concede defeat to 8-12 hour work days and be sort of poor for a while. The day-to-day real world is just not as fun. But you will figure out how to have it anyway. Because you are starting off a far better foot if you made the most of your time – and the people you spend that time with – at JMU. So if you have to leave, make sure you don’t forget that.
To the chick with 30 interviews and 1 job offer. Here is a lesson you havent learned. Its about who you know, not what you know. Let me guess, you were the tool walking into the library at 7am Saturday morning as I was walking home, giving me the stink eye because sin was dripping off of me. While you were getting book smarts, I was getting street smarts, meeting people, and forging relationships. All of which I used to start my first job one week after college with ONE interview, and I still use to this day since I started my own company 3 years ago.
While you continue to get the coffee for your 8 managers, look out your cubicle door and realize that you are not in the real world either. You are on a hampster wheel, and you are replaceable.
Its people like you that make life after JMU suck. You are the annoying upstairs neighbor telling us to quiet down at 7PM.
This article was spot on, well said, and hilarious. While it is clearly not 100% true, most people would agree that we would give any part of our body for just one more semester at JMU.
Good read. Thanks for writing.
Life after college is a blast if you want it to be. JMU was an awesome time, but I don’t regret graduating.
I advise all recent grads and those that got stuck in “the cube” to check out Richard Florida’s “The Rise of the Creative Class”. Best reading recommendation ever – by JMU Econ professor.
http://www.creativeclass.com/richard_florida/books/the_rise_of_the_creative_class
Good luck all!
“OLD GUYS LEAVE!!!!”
Really, the most important thing people need to be taking from this post is the following: JMU is a fantastic place to spend your college years and being a Duke is much more than bleeding purple.
That being said… life after JMU can be a blast, too. But, if we never left Harrisonburg, I doubt any of us would REALLY appreciate how awesome it really is.
Best blog I’ve ever read. <3 JMU
Loved this post! And I know you don’t hate your life post-JMU, Rob. Get a sense of humor, people.
Hey Rob, at least the girls at JMU were attractive. Where I went, two thirds of the students were guys and at least one third of the girls looked like guys. AND, that doesn’t prepare you any better for life after work!
Great post!
Oops, I meant “that doesn’t prepare you any better for life after SCHOOL”.
Life after JMU can definitely vary. I graduated in 09 with a useless degree (psychology) and had to do a years worth of free internships just to build up my resume enough to look like I was worth hiring. That year really, really sucked. Then again, as someone pointed out, knowing the right people can make all the difference in the world.
But to think that the post was meant to be taken literally is quite an oversight. I look at JMU as a phase of life that was great, but I wouldn’t want it to last forever. I have no regrets from those years (except for my major) and recall many memories fondly when I need something to cheer me up. The most important thing I learned from those years was that college prepares you for more than just a job, it prepares you to live life with a greater sense of understanding. This manifests itself in many more ways than just a career.
Actually it’s a simple formula after school. Step 1: Go to grad school. Step 2: celebrate your JMU education by showing that new school just how well JMU has prepared you. Step 3: graduate using your “street smarts” and book smarts”. Step 4: earn 6 figures or more enjoying life and not caring about the price of drinks or cabs just like you did at JMU. Step 7: congrats you are now enjoying life after JMU while still adoring the time you had there each and every day! Good luck current graduates and work hard. The real world might not always be the most “friendly” place but it can be just as magical if you know where to look 🙂 We are glad to have you with us out here. The more JMU grads out in the “real world” the happier we can make this place and our futures. Be the change baby!
I earned my BA in History ’05 and my MA in History ’07 then went to work in the real world for a few years. Three years later I realized that the job market for History grads was not what I thought it would be like. Working at $12.50 an hour with other Masters and Doctoral degrees was definitely not what I had in mind. I changed careers and decided to become a nurse. When I was looking for the right college to apply to I remembered my years at JMU and knew I had to come back! I’ll graduate in May of 2014 with my BS in Nursing… making this my THIRD degree from JMU. Go Dukes!
..and this one time at Marching Royal Dukes Band Camp, I I stuck a flute up my %^&*(%#
Amen brother Rob, well said!
Clearly this person doesn’t know how to hustle. I graduated in 2004 from a regional school in Georgia. Yes, Georgia. Do you think that set me up for immediate success? No. I had to hustle. Just like every person reading this article needs to. Average school + hustle + khakis = success. Now I work for a Fortune 500 company with lots of executive visibility and a sweet interior office.
Drinking a bottle of tequila with your pals and then driving to the local dive bar was fun in college. But those days are over, thank god. I look down my nose at those pathetic souls finishing random drinks left behind by strangers. Nope, I’ll drink my $9 craft beer and $14 cocktail where people that care about important things like careers, how much they traveled this month for work and granite counter tops.
Class of 2012, get focused and don’t listen to “Rob”. You can do anything you want in life as long as you hustle. Aim High. Follow your passion. Never settle. Work hard. Dream big.
Some of these people are absolute morons. If JMU wasn’t the best 5 years of your life, you did it wrong… And I make a good living and don’t do much work at all now days. Great blog Rob. As for the eggs that didn’t get it… we wouldn’t have hung out with them when we were in school anyways…
Goooo Duuuukkkeeesss!!!!
great stuff…glad to be a brother.
“And hangovers? Yeah, you’ve never had one before. You might think you have, but no you have not.” So true.
This was hilarious. People should def. not take this seriously, and the hangovers do suck. Best advice I can give, Marry a JMU girl. That way you won’t have to worry about the ugly people. That’s what I did!
Just as a reminder. Fortune 500 companies hire janitors too. And you will most likely get accepted to every job you apply for. Just saying…
Guapo & AP’s career trajectory miles higher than “A person who actually worked hard” & “Hustle”.
Classic blog.
Paragraph one, line five. The word “to” should be “too”. If your going to trash us, do it properly. Not everyone is naive to the plight we face following graduation from the JMU bubble and have seen it coming for a long time.
That being said, I understand the relative ignorance you address from certain students. In general, the real world sucks and JMU is fairly ideal in all regards.
However,
Don’t be sad its over, be glad it happened. So many young people never got the chance to live and experience these 4 or 5 years of bliss like us….#blessed
Working hard and hustle are only part of the equation, sausage. You need khakis. The whole thing falls to pieces without khakis.
My advice remains the same….shoot for the stars. Swing for the fences. Play like its your last game. Go for it.
If you want a better life after school, become a teacher so you get 15 weeks off a year if your need it, then get a job in either a beach or a ski town.
I teach high school English in Telluride, CO and have been living the dream ever since.
Garth. Live in the now.
I realize this is delayed, but this ish drives me crazy! 2012 grad– “If your going to trash us, do it properly”
If (imagine this next word bold,underlined and italicized) you’re going to correct other peoples’ English, be sure you yourself know proper English!
It’s pretty embarrasing that the person who wrote this doesn’t know how to use: to vs. too.
Laura is ABSOLUTELY correct. But then again… who gives a shit?
GRAMMAR:
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
FEELING YOUR NUTS
AND
FEELING YOU’RE NUTS
🙂
Was, and still is, the best blog EVAH written! Truth be told though, the best part is/was the comments. Especially from the idiots that take it, and life, too seriously… Keep up the fantastic work!!
Apparently the class where you learn about humor, sarcasm and irony isn’t taught any longer. Bring back Dr. Morley-Mower!
You guys are even sicker than originally thought. Also, consider a Dear Abby column. There’s money out there waiting for you to make.