Mar 22 / Rob

Friday Ramblings: Stand to the Right

Like most people, I tend to think that it’s hard for others to define me. I’m a person of many interests, opinions, quirks, and behaviors. I’m a husband, a father, a Duke, a blogger, and a friend. I don’t think that’s its easy to sum up my personality with a single word or phrase. But if you really had to, it would be fair that I’m a “Stand to the right, walk to the left person.” Yes, I have strongly held beliefs on escalator behavior. Everyone does, right? So when I read this article alleging that it’s better for everyone to simply stand there like morons while riding an escalator, it rocked my world. I don’t think I’ve been this stunned since the gif pronunciation scandal of 2013.

According to this tragic little escalator theory, if everyone simply stands in line, it reduces the jostling and maximizes the space per person. Or some such nonsense. I really was too upset to comprehend it. I always walk to the left. It’s what any normal person does. If these “human systems engineers” behind the study think they’ve cracked the code for maximizing benefit for the masses, I’ve got some bad news for them. They’re dead wrong.

These fools claim that everyone will get to their destination faster, if we all just sit there like idiots and stand on the escalator. No! That’s a completely selfish perspective. People who stand on escalators by definition do not want to get to the top, or anywhere else, faster. They don’t care. They’re proudly telling the entire world that they don’t have effs to give and they’ll take their damn time getting wherever it is they need to be. And the great thing about that, is it affords people like ME, the chance to move to the left and scoot on buy them. It’s a win-win. Don’t try to impress your terrible views upon the masses human systems engineers. The escalator riding public has a social contract that we’re all good with. Don’t mess with it nerds.

And now that I got that out of my system, here’s some stuff you might have missed this week.

The entire JMU community stepped in a big way for JMU Giving Day 2019. 5,227 gifts and $1,142,945 of donations. We’re always proud to be Dukes, but especially so today. Great job everyone!

Your defending National Champion JMU Dukes lacrosse team fell to UVA at home. It was a tough game, but the Dukes have a chance to right the ship with a huge home game against Maryland this weekend.

The Diamond Dukes took 2 of 3 on the road against Cal State Fullerton, but then dropped one to Fairfield. Bad loss, but no reason to panic because the Dukes finally appear to have the arms needed to contend in the CAA.

Coach O and the Dukes got hit with the injury bug at the worst possible time, which sent them tumbling out of the CAA tourney. Then they were one of the “First Four Out” for March Madness, which sort of flattered us, while also twisting the knife. In any case, there’s a game tonight to help fans move on. The women host North Carolina A&T in the first round of the WNIT on Friday.

Dukes softball is rolling and Kate Gordon is hitting dingers. Lots of them. She’s slugging .900, which is pretty remarkable. The Dukes get CAA play going this weekend with a home series against Elon.

JMU junior Bonnie Zhang made it to nationals for two swimming events. She already swam in the 50 Freestyle and is competing in the 200 Freestyle today. You can tune into the meet via the University of Texas streaming site.

Finally, you probably saw this, but it’s worth sharing again. There’s a lot to be upset about nowadays, but we like to remind you that most people are good. Like this kid.

2 Comments

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  1. maddukes98 / Mar 22 2019

    There is no debate here. STAND TO THE RIGHT PEOPLE!! 🙂

  2. Rob K / Mar 25 2019

    Love this post. Do not love Paris Black leaving the team.

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