Guest Post: Welcome to Dreamworld

Last week s2dsayer won the prediction contest and earned the right to guest post. Here’s his take on the fantasy world JMU might one day find itself in.

Welcome to Dreamworld!

Howdy out there my fellow Dukes, it’s a pleasure and an honor to be the guest blogger this week. I’m writing to you from my beautiful estate here in Dreamworld, where I’m getting some serious bro time with my usual crew. In addition to myself, we got Hazel the rabbit, Richard Parker the tiger, Alfie the tortoise, Snowball the pig, and Buttercup the unicorn. We may be a pretty disparate group in this weird and wonderful place, but the one thing we all have in common is our love for our Dukes!

Buttercup (who’s far more macho than he looks) is clearly a Dukes fan…note the purple and gold!

So things are a little different here in Dreamworld (aside from the residents); especially sports. I won’t get into how pro sports are different here…except maybe to mention that in NASCAR, the JMU car (driven by Elliott Sadler) wins at least 10 races a year…

Aaaaab-solutely badass!! (in the voice of Sgt. Apone from Aliens)

Well maybe just a quick mention of soccer too…we love soccer in Dreamworld. The biggest reason is that the referees here have the magical ability to discern a flop from an actual foul. OK, maybe just having functioning eyes and an IQ over 60 are necessary for that. Every dive here is red-carded with a five-game suspension and the offending player is strapped down with their eyes pried open and forced to watch Cameron Diaz’s last 10 movies…

Pleeeeeeeease don’t make me watch Sex Tape again!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

Bandwagon sports fans of every level are strictly prohibited here…Any Cowboys/Steelers/Yankees/Red Sox/Notre Dame/Dale Jr/Man U/whatever team LeBron is on “fans” that somehow sneak into Dreamworld are caught and sacrificed, like that dude who had his heart ripped out in Temple of Doom.

Haha, I took your heart Yankee fan!! It’s kinda squishy and gross though, like a bloody nerf football. Go long, Indy!!

OK, on to college sports which is what this blog is really about. They’re especially different here in Dreamworld. In football, the terms “FBS” and “FCS” have been banned. I-A and I-AA are back, baby!! The I-A playoffs are 16 teams with every conference’s champion represented, and at-larges are determined by the old BCS calculation (not by who would be the best for TV ratings). The first round would be mid-December, and the quarters would be the four current BCS bowls, played on New Year’s Day. Semi’s and Finals are in the subsequent weeks, the Final being on the off-weekend between the NFL Conference title games and the Super Bowl. All teams not making the playoff can still play in bowl games just like they do now. I told you this place was awesome!!!

In Dreamworld, our beloved (I-A) Dukes won the inaugural ECC (East Coast Conference) title in football last year, defeating ODU 72-2 in the season finale (in a game shortened to 50 minutes, natch. Oh come on, it had to be done). We love competing in the ECC against App State, Ga Southern, ECU, Marshall, Charlotte, ODU, Navy, Delaware, WKU, resurrected UAB, and MTSU! Oh, and yes, we all pay cost-of-attendance…—ahem—

For basketball (and baseball and the rest of the Olympic sports), the RPI is used to determine a) who the at-large teams are and b) everyone’s seed. If the RPI formula itself needs to be tweaked, fine, but the point is, no $&?%@!# committees. The conference money-grabs (excuse me, that’s “conference tournaments”) are always on the home floor of the regular-season champ, who should get, you know, something for that accomplishment other than a friggin’ banner in their gym…

No changes to curling or cricket in Dreamworld in case you were wondering. Those sports are obviously perfect just the way they are.

So in honor of JMUSB tradition, the Dreamworld adult beverage of choice this week is the dangerously delicious Crabbie’s Spiced Orange ginger beer…a wonderfully smooth beverage tickling the palate with notes of spice, orange, and ginger.

Mmmmm, sweet orange-y goodness…

So anyway, thanks to Rob and Todd for allowing me this outlet for my sports hopes/dreams/frustrations/mental meanderings. You guys are invited to Dreamworld anytime, as are all Dukes fans! It’s like a non-stop tailgate, y’all would love it. In conclusion, Go Dukes! Beat SMU!!!