Chill JMU Lax Bros Outsmart Armed Gunman

Last week this story broke about two young men who were just minding their own business enjoying a meal when they were held up by an armed robber. One minute they’re just sitting their eating gyros and pizza at Pizzola’s Pizzeria in D.C., and the next minute someone is sticking them up and taking their wallets. It turns out the victims were both JMU grads and former lacrosse players. And since they played lacrosse and this is the internet, we’re obligated to refer to them as lax bros (seriously, I think its in the by-laws). Plus, I was on the lacrosse team at JMU (it’s a club team) and we’re allowed to poke fun at our own. It’s part of the anti-dentite exemption. But I don’t think they’d object to the description anyway, seeing as they had this to say about the experience:

“It’s a good thing we’re relaxed, chill guys,” said Swinson, who had never been robbed before. “We don’t get too anxious about something like that. We could have freaked out and gotten injured, but we were letting it just unfold.”

And they weren’t kidding about being relaxed. Even with a gun pointed at him, one of the pair managed to  keep the robber from taking his phone. The story explains:

But the 23-year-old accountant, who’d been held up at gunpoint once before, in Philadelphia, also had an iPhone 5 that was easily visible. He wanted to conceal it quickly so he could call 911 after the robbery.

So, the accountant hatched a ruse that the Pilferer of Pizzoli’s fell for.

“Do you want any food?” he asked the robber, lifting his plate.

Once the man declined, the accountant said he surreptitiously set his plate down on a new spot on the table, covering the iPhone.

“I’ve done more impressive things in my life, to say the least,” he said. “I was just pleased I wouldn’t have to go looking for my phone in a bush. It was a work phone, too, and I would have had to go to [my managers] to get a new phone and that would have taken two weeks, ballpark, without having a phone. Plus, I didn’t want to lose all my contacts.”

That’s actually rather clever, especially under the circumstances. The quick thinking saved the phone, but the robber still got away with $220 cash. Most importantly, nobody was harmed. Well done chill lax bros. Well done indeed.

h/t to madddukes98 for tipping us to the story